With Shyam’s email reminding me to send in my product for grading, I could not help but went to take a look at what the gofurthers of 2007 posted last year when they were submitting their products.

Read Alphonsus’ post. Became very thoughts-full. I hereby extract for all to read, chew on and digest.

~//~

My take on grades is this: grades are important – it is what – unfortunately – determines our future to some extent. But I would be lying if I said they meant a lot to me. They don’t.

I’m a rebel, and I rebel against grades. They reflect almost nothing about who and what I am.

My theory is this: If you love what you are doing, just do it. You’ll probably do well at it.

But when it comes to art, if others agree with your art, you score well. If they don’t, you won’t. My experience with CS202 tells me this. I worked hard but got Cs for everything because the lecturer, the class and I didn’t agree on interpretation. But I got an A+ on the final assignment because we happened to agree. Can’t be helped. Art is art.

~//~

(GO-FAR should devote one entire semester to this, without the distraction of other modules. Who knows, we might be able to produce Nat Geo-worthy material.)

But deep down, I still can’t feel the urge to get my stories published. I don’t know why, and I’m actually starting to get a little worried that my lack of ‘want’ isn’t ‘normal’.

~//~

But I can’t identify with that feeling. I like to take my time, enjoy the moment, push each pixel, edit each line.

I want to present something only when it’s really done. And if it’s not really done, I’d rather not present it at all. Not when I’m not ready to hatch a story!

But since every Singaporean-else is hatching theirs, I don’t have much of a choice. As usual, back home, it’s do-it-now-or-die-because-everyone-else-is-doing-it-already.

And that’s probably the only reason I want to go back to Laos. Not because I like the government, or the land, or the infrastructure, or whatever.

It’s because it’s slow enough for old-man-me to actually take my time and live life the unhurried way, savouring each un-rushed moment.

~//~

This is Johnson, back again. Re-read the lines written one year ago, and I really somehow I love to agree, yet I hate to agree. Love-hate relationship rocks.

Personally, I feel like I had not accomplished the best of what I can do. I feel like I’m not really doing justice to the material I’ve gotten. Yet, I don’t feel confident that if I was ever going to be given a 2nd chance, I will do better.

Am I ready to hatch the egg? Definitely not. Do I need to hatch that egg? Hatch lor… just a bit paralysed, that’s all. No la, those are strong words. Well, for those of you who are musically inclined, performing music and playing music is different. I just don’t like to “just play music”.

(Nah, I’m ok with being graded, but not ok with myself, that’s all.)

Cheers,
Johnson

PS. I’ll try to upload, but perhaps only when I’m ready to hatch it and have it “perform”.